1. David Dimbleby

Recorded to analogue tape by Luke Oldfield at Tilehouse Studios
mixed by Ben Kelly


Welcome everyone to tonight’s debate

I’ve got a feeling that something is going to break
We’ve got some bleeding hearts out here on my left
And then a racist tells you he’s talking common sense
It’s not common sense

I’m the chair, respect my suit and tie

I’m so impartial I don’t come here to take sides
I’m adding nothing,
I’m taking nothing away

While the masters of division
are multiplying again
We’re still playing their games... they go

Here are some words that the world’s been waiting
Here are some words that the world’s been waiting
Here are some words that the world’s been waiting for..

It’s alright it really is 

No it’s not 
But we might as well act like it

‘Cause you know being a realist

Well it ain’t really gonna help with anything

It’s alright it really is 

Kim jong un’s got a nuclear warhead
It’s ok he’s just posturing

He’s measuring his nob but we’ve got a bigger one

Ladies and gentlemen now you’re all vexed up
Let’s take a question from that shifty guy at the back
On today’s front page there’s something I oppose
There’s no substance in his question 
the substance is all in his nose
And that’s why our panel seem to know exactly what he’s talking about

Now Calm Down, don’t you talk over me

I’ll point my pen at you I’m David Dimbleby
This is my circus and you, you are my clowns
So Speak when your spoken to
but right now shut up and sit down

It’s all gone wrong it really has

Come on mate, you’ve gotta put a smile on it
Nah, you know being a pessimist 

Well it might just help us identify a problem before it occurs

It’s all gone wrong it really has

Help us Jesus or Buddha or Superman 

‘Cause you know being a Cartoonist

You can pull out a truth you won’t see in a photograph

It’s alright it really is

We’ve got to bomb the hell out of something
‘Cause you know being a pacafist

Well that won’t make anyone rich

Well we’ve not really got to the bottom or frankly agreed about anything but we’re out of time so you know, roll the credits. Next time we’ll be discussing the existential status of the soul, specifically in relation to gingers. Tune in the to find out more when we’ll be coming at you from Canterbury where our audience think they’re better than you. I’m inclined to agree.